Trauma and a Movie
Last week, my wife, Terrie, and I caught a good chunk of one of our favorite movies, A Bronx Tale. Ever since, I’ve been chewing over the signature quote of the movie written by and starring actor Chazz Palminteri (the movie was directed by one of its co-stars, Robert De Niro).
“The saddest thing in life is wasted talent, and the choices that you make will shape your life forever.”
I think the reason I can’t let go of that quote has to do with my work as a clinical mental health counselor, and because I just changed jobs and am seeing a lot of new clients (along with those who came with me to the new practice). As much as I love the movie, and the concept of the quote, what I’m stuck thinking is, what about the people whose lives are shaped by choices foisted upon them?
All too often, it is choices made by others—parents, guardians, teachers, bullies, employers, predators—that shape peoples’ lives. Sure, wasted talent is a sad thing to behold, but if an individual did not have the freedom in making choices, it should not be surprising to see talent being wasted.
The good news is that with talk therapy, people can work through issues in the present day whose roots tie to dark episodes of their past. Trauma therapy focuses on helping people separate past from present—especially the negative self-cognitions that become locked into place with childhood trauma or issues relating to poor parenting or bullying or being victimized in even worse ways.
There is no perfect strategy for assisting people who have experienced trauma that affects them in present day. Rather, therapists use different methods with a general goal to restore power and connection—two things typically lost during traumatic events.
This doesn’t mean you change the past. It means you provide tools that help people manage their lives today without the negative self-cognitions that are no longer relevant, instead working off positive self-cognitions that they can grow into.
In A Bronx Tale (spoiler alert!), the protagonist, Calogero “C” Anello, learns in his adolescence of the different paths taken by his father, Lorenzo (De Niro), a bus driver, and his adult mentor, Sonny (Palminteri), a gangster based in the Bronx.
The movie begins with what therapists call an “adverse childhood experience” or ACE. As a 9-year-old, C witnesses Sonny kill a man outside the bar. When the police ask him to identify the culprit, he protects Sonny, and in the days and weeks ahead, Sonny takes him under his wing. Sonny and Lorenzo clash when the latter recognizes the influence he is beginning to have on his son.
Lorenzo, early in the movie, voices the first part of the famous quote to his son (“The saddest thing in life is wasted talent.”) trying to impart a lesson.
Eight years later, at 17, C is confronting his own torn feelings between father and mentor when multiple new traumas occur, including, at the movie’s culmination, C witnessing Sonny’s murder by the son of the man Sonny had killed at the beginning of the movie.
A Bronx Tale is narrated by C, who, after Sonny’s funeral service, rebuffs an offer by the gangster who will replace Sonny (Carmine, played by Joe Pesci) and offers the full famous quote in a voiceover.
Presumably, C is using the dual traumas at 9 and 17 to recognize choices he wants to make for himself in life, in effect confirming the knowledge his father gave him, thus restoring connection in present day. He is creating a positive self-cognition to live by moving forward.
If you find yourself at times frozen in present day and you sense (or know) it is the result of past trauma in your life, consider working with a licensed therapist help you identify and manage a path forward.